Women's Identities once they become mothers

This is Not How I Thought It Would Be:Remodeling Motherhood to Get the Lives We Want Today by Kristin Maschka.
http://www.remodelingmotherhood.com/

A must read for all parents.

"After ten years of financial independence, Kate arrived and overnight I became completely financially dependent
on David. On the surface, nothing about our marriage had changed, but below the surface everything had
changed. Before Kate, we had been two independent, self-sufficient people choosing to be together. During that
time I knew, somewhere in the back of my head, that I could walk away and stand on my own two feet if I had to
do it. Once Kate arrived, I felt a nagging anxiety in my stomach. Walking away wasn’t an option anymore. I
couldn’t imagine putting Kate through that and I had no paycheck. I did my best to set aside my worry because I
felt guilty and embarrassed the thoughts even crossed my mind.
Then when Kate was a few months old, I read Ann Crittenden’s book The Price of Motherhood. … the book’s
chapter about what happens to mothers in a divorce shook me to the core and turned a nagging worry into fullfledged
panic. I fumbled around trying to talk to David and suggested, “Maybe, um, I don’t know, I was thinking
perhaps we could consider a post-nuptial agreement?” He hit the roof. To him, I was implying that he was going
to walk out and that I was planning for a divorce. I backed off, fast. But I was still scared, and I didn’t really know
why, or what to do about it, or how to talk about it. I hadn’t dreamed money and who made it could create this
kind of turmoil in our marriage. I hadn’t dreamed I’d ever be financially dependent on anyone. Not having my
own income and, honestly, not having the power that goes with it, made me fearful. Knowing I was fearful made
David angry. Fear and anger, not good emotions to insert into a marriage of two sleep-deprived people.
I’m not the only mother who finds that “money and who makes it” messes with a marriage. In hushed tones in a
kitchen at a party, a friend admitted that one of the reasons she kept working for pay when her son was born was
that she didn’t want to hand all the power over to her husband." – Remodeling Motherhood, Chapter 10, p 223-
224.



The Mommy Myth: The Idealization of Motherhood and How It Has Undermined All Women
By Susan Douglas, Meredith Michaels