Project In Uganda

WOW! I found this great project being done in Uganda by Canadians to provide birth kits, birth support, sustainable income generation, etc to women and girls there.

Question about managing small children and staying sane

Q.: For those of you who ARE or WERE stay at home moms?
I myself am a stay at home mom and I am having some trouble with my little ones. I have twins who are 2 1/2 and a 15 month old as well.
I have never dealt or been around children before having my own. Lately they have been so difficult, and so stressing (mainly the youngest) I feel I don't have enough time to teach them the things they need to know. We don't leave the house often, because its a huge chore. I know they need more socialization, more teaching, more playtime. Everything. I feel like I try soo hard and not alot comes out of it by the end of the day. I am stressed beyond belief trying to keep the house clean, look nice by the time my man comes home and make sure all of the kids needs are met.

My husband is getting in trouble at work because I keep calling him home, and he can't lose his job. I feel guilty that I can't do this alone. I feel like it's time to go back to school and then get a job, but honestly I'm scared. I feel extremely guilty right now, feeling like everything is my fault.

Can anyone give me some advice from the heart. I am very confused, and I just want to do right by my children. Please help.

Answer:

Omigod!
Most mums with one toddler can TOTALLY relate!!! But what I find surprising is that you have THREE toddlers, and you're still wondering why you can't get everything done and you're so stressed out! :>

There's a reason why they say it takes a village to raise a child.
You do need more social support.
Please don't feel guilty. No one in your situation can do it all. It's pretty much impossible.

Don't worry about their socialization, or play or education at this point. No. 1 -they're really young. All that stuff will sort itself out over time. and no. 2 - focus on the basics first.

There is so much social pressure to do so much for kids these days, but less real help in actually doing them.
People who manage well with their kids generally have family or a close community who share in taking care of the kids. Parents, parents-in-law, sisters, aunts, friends, other mums etc.

People who live far away from their families, and don't have close friends nearby, do have to find other resources in order to stay sane.
Connect with other mums, mum's groups, organisations that provide support to parents, get a babysitter etc etc. Let everyone know that you need some help with childcare or housekeeping while your kids are so young.

I cannot stress this enough - the most important person to take care of is YOU. A sane and supported mum will automatically be able to take care of her family well.
It is a myth that a mum and a dad can sufficiently be perfect parents to their kids, especially times 3 little kids. People are so quick to blame parents, and so slow to help.

But you do need to ASK for help, and expect it. Don't feel guilty for receiving it, because you really do need it right now, and when you're kids are older, you will be able to help other mums with young kids.

This period of time when they are so little and their needs are so great is really intense. Things will get easier as they get older, I promise you.
it will be easier a year from now, even more easy 2 years from now and so on.
Wait till then till you start trying to add more activities into their lives.

For now, you can set very low expectations. If your kids are fed and you are fed and have slept enough, and you haven't gone totally berserk all day (a little bit berserk is ok), then you can consider that a successful day.
If you manage to do a little tidying up, or take the kids out or whatever, then that's a bonus! Give yourself a big treat for managing that.

There was a time when my kids were young and I thought I had to be doing all sorts of amazing things with them, and be a happy mum who never lost her temper, and have a beautifully kept house, and cook delicious yet healthy meals....
Meanwhile, I didn't have time to even breathe, I was grumpy and guilty and wound up all the time, fighting with my husband etc etc.
I thought it was just I who was incompetent.

Eventually, I found out that most mums felt the same way, especially those without social a social network where they lived.

Now, my priorities are
1. Do several things throughout the day to feel relaxed and content. eg. Get enough sleep. Sit for a few minutes without the kids and have a drink or something. Tell your kids you are having some "mummy alone time". They'll eventually get used to it. Destress in the bath. Set aside some telephone or email time for yourself to talk to your friends and complain. :> Join a gym that has childcare. Get some adult time.

2. Spending time with your husband minus the kids is important.
Try to get a babysitter (or two), leave the mess in the house and go have some fun. Aim to do that once a week. More realistically, if you manage once a month, that's great! Appreciate yourselves and each other for the amazing job you are doing of raising 3 human beings.

3. Find a system of discipline that works for you and your kids. Well-behaved kids are easier to look after. You do not need to entertain your kids. The good thing about having three is that they will entertain themselves if left to their own devices. Especially as they get older.

4. As for the house, focus on the most important things and ignore everything else for the next couple of years. The kitchen is pretty important. Having clean laundry too.
Get big storage bins and throw everything in to get it out of sight - bins for unfolded laundry , toys, the mess in your living room when people are coming over etc etc.
Declutter and throw away or give away what you don't need or use.
Have a talk with your husband. Tell him how you feel about the housework. Let him know that you appreciate anything he does to help. If you can afford it, consider getting housecleaning services. Discuss lowering your standards of tidiness for the next one to two years.

Above all, whatever you do with your kids, it needs to work for you.
You and your husband need to be the centre of your family not your kids. Because if you're stressed out you can't take care of your kids as well as when you feel centred and in control.

Birth Quotes

Birth is not only about making babies. Birth is about making mothers ~ strong, competent, capable mothers who trust themselves and know their inner strength. Barbara Katz Rothman


The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new." Rajneesh

The genius of her body is designed to give birth with ease and grace. In our soft warm hands, we are holding the keys to the future. Elena Tonetti- Vladimirova

It seems that many health professionals involved in antenatal care have not realized that one of their role should be to protect the emotional state of pregnant women. Michel Odent, MD

We have a secret in our culture, and it's not that birth is painful. It's that women are strong. Laura Stavoe Harm

Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body." Elizabeth Stone

Before you were conceived, I wanted you
Before you were born, I loved you
Before you were here an hour,
I would die for you
This is the miracle of love. Maureen Hawkins

Childbirth classes neglect to teach one critical skill: How to breathe, count, and swear all at the same time. Linda Filterman

Before I was married I had six theories about raising children. Now I have six children and no theories. John Wilmot, earl of Rochester

They say men can never experience the pain of childbirth. They can...if you hit them in the goolies with a cricketbat for fourteen hours. Jo Brand

Question about breastfeeding

Q. What is the normal duration for a woman to have breast milk?
How long does the milk usually last? How many months is the average/normal duration?


A. The milk will last until the child stops breastfeeding. The baby's sucking is what stimulates the mum to produce more breastmilk. The more baby breastfeeds, the more milk mum produces, for as long as the child goes on breastfeeding. There is no normal time for breastfeeding. Some mums don't breastfeed at all, some breastfeed a few weeks, a few months, or a few years. In some countries, mums breastfeed for many years. Children do need milk for the first few years of their lives, whether that is cow's milk, soy milk, or human milk. Breastfeeding past one year is usually not practised in today's culture, but it is possible and probably beneficial.

Question about the end of pregnancy

Q. I'm almost 38 weeks and not dilating?

I will be 38 weeks on Saturday and I am STILL not dilating. My doctor's appointment was yesterday; he checked me and said my son is still pretty high up there. I haven't dropped at all but I feel terrible. My whole pelvic region feels so heavy (almost like someone hit me) and it aches badly. I'm scared I will be overdue again (was 10 overdue with my daughter) and my need a C-Section in the end. With my daughter I was overdue but at least (around this time) a cm or 2cm dilated.

Has anyone gone through this with a subsequent pregnancy? In my mind I thought, this one would go a lot quicker but I'm losing hope and my fear seems like it may become a reality. I had an all natural birth with my daughter and I wanted to experience it again with my son. I'm scared I will have to go through getting pitocin and so forth. Any suggestions, words of encouragement, anything?

To add I have been having BH's constantly that have been getting pretty painful, but still nothing!
I just am getting frustrated because I am very uncomfortable, even more so than my other pregnancy.


Answer :

It's normal to feel anxious towards the end or pregnancy. Try to do relaxing things to help yourself feel grounded - go for a nice walk, have a warm bath, sip some herbal tea, talk to your baby, breathe.

Not being dilated or having dropped is totally meaningless bits of information. You're 38 weeks. You're not in labour yet, you don't need to be dilated. Your baby doesn't need to have dropped. It will drop when it's ready, and your body will open when it's ready.

As for being overdue, actually the normal range of birth is from 3 weeks before the due date to 2 weeks after. So if baby wasn't born by 2 weeks after the date, you would be overdue. Women and doctors today are so overly focused on times and dates, they expect babies to be born by that due date. Also, the due dates are estimated based on the average woman's cycle of 28 days. If your cycle is longer than that, you're date of ovulation would be later, and your due date should be later. Some doctors take that into account, some don't.

There are many ways of getting labour started naturally once labour is already imminent (meaning that it would start on it's own anyway in the next few days). One of the best ways is sex.
Oxytocin is the hormone involved in love, sex, labour and breastfeeding. So kissing, making out, nipple stimulation, sex and orgasm can make your body produce oxytocin which can start labour.
Prostaglandin, which is is semen is the hormone which softens the cervix. So that can help start labour too. Don't have intercourse after the water breaks though.

There are lots of other natural ways to start labour.
You can find them just by doing a Google search.

Have fun and do find things to help you relax. Feeling anxious can actually stop labour.
If you have any further questions, you can email me.

Asker's Comment: Thanks! I'm just going to be patient and wait it out.

Question about breast milk production

Q. My breast milk is getting low, and i just gave birth 3 mos ago ?
what can I do to make more.


A. How do you know you're milk is getting low? do you mean you're baby seems hungry after feeding, or you're pumping and getting less milk than before?

Breast milk production is stimulated by baby's sucking. that means that the more baby drinks, the more milk you will produce. it has nothing to do with how long ago you gave birth.
if baby is not latching and sucking effectively, or is being supplemented, your milk production will decrease. if you are only pumping, that is not as effective as a real baby sucking.
Many women pump to see how much milk they are making, and are surprised if they see so little. but you must understand, the baby is able to get tons more milk out than a pump.

so the short answer of how to get more milk, is simply to breastfeed your baby more.


Comment: Thank you. I really appreciate your help!