Question about tearing in labor

Question
I have a 10 month old and I'm 8 months pregnant but I'm scared of giving birth again.?
I know I have been through it before but I'm scared to go back through it again. The 1st birth I suffered a 3rd degree tear and lost quite a bit of blood. I'm not really sure why I'm scared to be honest I think it because with it be quite close to my 1st one. Has any one been in the same situtation or some advice would be great, thanx x

Answer:

I'm sorry you had such a traumatizing experience the last time around.
It's understandable that you feel scared now.

I'm a doula (labor supporter) and natural birth educator, and I've had clients who have been terrified for their second birth because of the way their first birth was managed or the way they were treated. I've helped them to be more proactive in the decision making process for their next birth so that they could have a positive experience the second time.

Some questions I would ask you are,
1. What was the worst / most scary parts of your last birth?
2. What are you worried will happen this time?
3. Did you feel supported enough and treated well during the last birth?
4. What would you want to do differently if you could do it over?
5. How could you have done things differently to create an outcome more like what you want?
6. What steps can you take now for this birth?

I can imagine having such a serious tear must have made healing painful and long and interfered with your ability to look after your baby.
Do you know what caused the third degree tear?
Tears do happen sometimes no matter how gentle the birth is, but third and fourth degree tears tend to occur because of some added stress to the perineum.
For example, when women are told to push extremely hard, or have an epidural which can make them unable to feel the urge to push, and so end up pushing really hard but not as effectively. Or an episiotomy could cause the tear to extend into a 3rd degree. Also, forceps or vacuum can also cause severe tears.

These may be avoidable, especially if you know that you have choices.

Are you with the same caregiver now as the last time? How do you feel about your caregiver? Have you discussed your feelings with them and what you can do differently? Do you feel that they are respectful of your needs ?

Have you considered hiring a doula in your area to give you more information, and provide physical and emotional support?

There is a lot to consider and work through. If you do want to discuss more, you can email me.
childbirthcentral@gmail.com